365 Day Challenge Day 8

Genesis 25-26
Abraham married again and had other sons, but when he died, it was Isaac and Ishmael who buried him.  He had sent his other children away and yet, the son he had first banished was there on the day of his death.  Ishmael lived away from everyone else "in defiance of all his relatives" (Genesis 25:18) and God blessed him.  He had twelve sons -- each a prince of his own tribe.  Though Ishmael was not the son God had promised to bless Abraham with, he still kept that promise and made Ishmael a great nation.  Yes, the nations of Isaac and Ishmael would come to war against each other, but in their time, they were each blessed by the God of their father.

365 Day Challenge Day 7

Genesis 22-24
Man if only finding your future spouse was as easy today as it was back then: go ask a girl for water at the well and if she says yes, that's the one for you.  However simple that seems, and however willing Rebekah was, I'm sure it must have been hard to leave her family and go with a man she'd never met to marry his master -- another man she'd never met.  And yet, her family wanted to keep her a bit longer and she was the one who decided to go right away.  I think of young she must have been and how serene she was.  It was apparent that the whole situation was from God, so she had faith and went.  Would that I trusted so completely.

365 Day Challenge Day 6

Genesis 19-21
I've never understood how Lot could offer his daughters to the men of Sodom.  As a father, how could he do that?  I know my dad would never do anything like that, but putting myself in those girls' place, I would feel so betrayed and unloved.  I would lose respect and trust in my father and wold not feel valued by him. The fact that the angels did not rebuke Lot for offering them has also bothered me.  Yes, he was trying to protect the angels, but does that mean it was ok to give his daughters instead?  I wish God had addressed that.
In Chapter 21, God allows Abraham and Sarah to drive Ishmael and Hagar out of their camp.  I never understood that either.  Sarah brought the jealousy and discontent on herself by giving Hagar to Abraham.  And how could Abraham cast his own son into the desert to either die or somehow find his own way?  Yes, God looked out for him and provided for him, but still, talk about loving fathers and dysfunctional families.

365 Day Challenge Day 5

Genesis 16-18
Chapter 16 -- Sarah doesn't think God will give her a child and so takes matters into her own hands so that God's promise to Abraham will come true.  She gives Hagar to Abraham who conceives a son.  And like most women, Sarah didn't really think through what she was doing and wasn't happy with this result.  I think as women, we want so badly for our men to succeed that we often try to help God's plans along.  Waiting on His timing can be very difficult and sometimes it's hard to see what harm could come from giving it a little push; but there are always consequences for our impatience.
Chapter 17 -- God's compassion is so great.  Though Sarah and Abraham tried to find their own solution to their problems, God doesn't Ishmael for it.  He doesn't have an easy life, but nor is he cursed for the failings of his father.  God made room for Ishmael in His plans for Abraham's future generations.  I wonder how hard it must have been for Ishmael, growing up in the shadow of his promised half-brother.  I wonder if he felt like he was not enough to please his father.  I have always felt pity for him for he could not help the circumstances of his birth.  I wonder if he felt loved at all or simply passed over.
Chapter 18- The way Abraham talks to God has always amazed me; the familiarity and ease (with respect) but with very little fear.  I always thought it was crazy how he bartered with God in this chapter, sighting His character and sense of justice not to destroy the righteous along with the wicked in Sodom and Gomorrah.  Would that I had that courage in my prayers.  I often get stuck in one-sided conversations and don't really expect to receive a real answer.  I know God answers prayers, but I don't really expect or look for them as I'm going about my day.  God, please make me aware of Your presence and voice in my life.  I want to talk with You, not at You.

365 Day Challenge Day 4

Genesis 12-15
God is so extremely patient with Abram.  He tells him over and over again that he will have a son and that the number of his descendants will be too great to count.  But each time, Abram begins to doubt as time goes on and he still doesn't have a son.  And yet, God doesn't grow impatient or frustrated with him, instead God just reassures him again.  Abram asks God how he should know that these things will happen and instead of righteous anger that the Word of the Lord is truth, God simply makes a covenant with Abram so he will know what God has said will come true.  God's patience with our unbelief is so incredible.  Genesis 15:6 says that Abram believed in the Lord, and yet only 2 verses later, he's asking for more tangible proof.  What I am seeing over and over is that God keeps His promises and willingly makes them to us.  He isn't grudgingly bound to what He says, but rather goes out of His way to assure us He will keep His promises.  He gives us signs and reminders we can look to when our faith weakens.  God truly is a loving, understanding God.

365 Day Challenge Day 3

Genesis 8-11
It's interesting to think that before the flood, the rainbow didn't exist.  It wasn't something God created during those first six days and called 'good'.  It's something extra special: a reminder to both God and man of God's covenant promise to all living things of the earth.  There is nothing else like the rainbow; no phenomenon in creation quite like it.  It is unique and special.  God calls it "His bow" and is a sign of His love and care for us.  Every time we see a rainbow, we should think of God's compassion and mercy.  Through it, He shows His continued favor for us and reminds us that He is faithful.  As I said on Day 2, God keeps His promises and we should have faith in the truth of His words.
Reading this passage reminded me of something I had written in my journal during my trip to Northern Ireland this past summer.  Here is the entry:

"I went walking on the beach tonight.  I felt totally broken and alone.  My heart is in pieces, I've lost good friends I thought I knew and I feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be.  I walked alone simply praying and talking to the only Friend I always have.  As I was walking back along the beach towards the church, the sun came out while a fine mist still fell.  I pushed my hood back and walked with my eyes closed and face lifted up towards the light.  The warmth eased across my face and soothed the pain inside.  For some reason, I stopped, opened my eyes and looked behind me.  The sight that greeted my eyes brought joy to my heart and laughter to my lips.  There before me was the brightest, clearest double rainbow I have ever seen.  One end stretched out to the middle of the ocean while the other came to rest on the beach near me.  As I stared out at the gulls dancing and diving under His Bow, I was filled with a sense of deep gratitude.  In the middle of my distress, God sent me a reminder of His constant faithfulness and continually kept promises.  A voice, strong and wonderful, sounded within my mind: "I will Never Leave you nor Forsake you.  I am with you Always."  I have heard this voice but a few times in my life and each instance remains in my memory with perfect clarity for I know this voice is not my own.  Tears fell down my face as I was wrapped in the love of my Father.  I knew at that moment that I was not alone, that I was never alone.  No matter how great the pain and loneliness, there is One who understands.  No matter how many people have and will desert me, there is One who never will. -- May 30, 2011"

Through the Glass

I hate this feeling; this need for some kind of contact.  It is a constant yearning, an ache made worse by memories and reminders of a past life.  That world goes on without me; I am no longer part of it.  All I can do is look on from a distance.  I am stuck outside the window, looking in on what I used to know.  Only now, it is so very different.  The scene once bathed in a golden glow is now cast in a sickly green light.  The unseen facade as been removed and what lies beneath is but the mockery of a brilliant thought.  Maybe I am better off on this side of the glass.  Maybe I see things clearer, suspended here in the night sky.  Maybe.  All the same, it is so very hard to fly away.

You remove me from your life, so I erase you from mine.  Slowly, slowly...but eventually you will be gone.

365 Day Challenge: Day 2

Genesis 4-7

I think the biggest thing I noticed in this passage is how everyone trusted the Word of God.  They did not question that He meant what He said.  When Eve gave birth to Cain, she said “I have gotten a manchild with the help of the Lord” (Gen. 4:1).  She was remembering the promise that God had made saying that one of her descendants would crush the Devil.  After Cain killed Abel and was made to wander the earth, God made a sign for him that anyone who found him would not kill him.  Cain never questioned that this sign would work.  God created it, so Cain had no reason not to trust.  After both Cain and Abel proved not to be the Promised One, Eve gave birth to another son and again said “God has appointed me another offspring in place of Abel, for Cain killed him” (Gen. 4:25).  I do not doubt that Eve was hoping Seth would be their deliverer.  

This promise from God was passed down with every generation and Lamech named his son Noah saying that “this one will give us rest from our work and from the toil of our hands arising the ground which the Lord has cursed” (Gen. 5:25).  Lamech hoped that through Noah, God would fulfill his promise.  It is amazing that even though each generation was disappointed and their Savior did not arise until many, many years later, they never doubted that God would follow through with what He said.  They continued hoping year after year and trusted in God’s promises.  Even Noah trusted the words of the Lord without hesitation.  He was told to build an arc for the world was to be covered in water, and he began without question.  He had faith in the God who created all things.  He did not think he knew better or that God didn’t mean it.  The Lord spoke, and he took action.

Why is it so hard for us to act in a similar fashion?  We hesitate and question and ignore.  We seek council from Him, yet so often do not hear when He answers.  Eve, Lamech and Noah lived their lives with faith.  They did not sit around waiting for God to prove himself, but lived their lives with constant Hope and Trust that his Words were true.  I think we feel the curse of being ‘like God’ knowing good and evil more today than they did.  They were still young on the Earth and God was still very evident as the Creator of the universe.  The longer we’ve been on this planet, the more we feel we know everything.  It is so much harder to trust God now because we have to deal with our own egos and pride.  But He is still the Creator of the universe, the same today as he was at the beginning and will be at the end.  We have seen his promises answered over and over again throughout the Bible and the coming of the Second Adam in Jesus Christ.  In truth we do know so much more today; we know that God’s Word is true, that He does not make promises He will not keep, and that He is faithful to those who call on His name.  We should live our lives with more Faith and Trust because of all we are blessed to know.

I like to save the especially important, funny, sweet or clever texts that I get from my friends.  Recently though, my phone has randomly been deleting all my texts before I get a chance to go through and transfer the ones I want to keep to my computer.  Each time, I lose a few texts that really mattered to me.  Maybe it's just as well...I guess I shouldn't be living in the past.  I just know the day will come when I won't be able to remember the words that matter to me now...they might seem trivial or painful at present, but is it so bad to have a record of my life through conversations?

The Ticking of the Clock

We are each of us governed by time.  Time is unstoppable but we can waste it, run out of it, try to make the most of it, and measure our lives by it.  To our eyes, time rolls by so very slowly, and yet, in reality, it passes swiftly.  Each minute that goes by is another that will never be repeated, seen or used again.  Once it is over, that's it, gone for good.  Each second is invaluable and happens only once in a lifetime.  And yet we go through our lives as if we have all the time in the world.  But we don't.  All the time we have is that which has already been set aside for us.  We have no idea how much we are actually given, but one this is certain: each of our clocks will one day stop, our sand will eventually run out.  Time never ends, but our Time does.  So instead of wasting it, we should be using every second to its fullest potential.  Each hour is a blessing; we never know when it will be our last.  Time is precious and here I let it pass by so carelessly.  I have been given a set number of days and I plan to make every moment count.  What will you do with yours?

365 Day Challenge: Day 1

Genesis 1-3

It struck me today how it only took three chapters for Humans to fail.  Now we don’t know how long Adam and Eve lived in the garden before they were cast out, but that’s not the point.  Other than naming all the animals and starting the human race, the most monumental thing they did was disobey God. He gave them one rule and they couldn’t even follow it.  We are like little children: tell us we can’t do something and that makes it all the more desirable in our eyes.  We fall so easily and so often, and there’s nothing we can do to reverse what we’ve done.  There are so many times I wish I could just go back and fix it, change one decision I made; but I can’t.  Like Adam and Eve, we all have to face the consequence of our actions.  I guess the real test is how we handle those.

365 Day Challenge

I have decided to read straight through the Bible starting today.  I’m following a plan that will allow me to read a few chapters a day and finish on September 6, 2012.  So to keep myself accountable, I will post something every day from that day’s reading, a verse or something that struck me from the passage, here on my blog.  Wish me luck!

I had a dream last night, and for the first time in years, I remembered almost all of it when I woke.  It stayed with me all day; images and emotions snapping into focus at random moments.  It was not a nightmare, yet it unsettled me.  Even now, the rain washing away what’s past, the dream still haunts me.  I wonder what it means.

Hole

I seem to have a knack for missing things that hurt me.  It's not that I love pain or anything, but once something is gone, it always seems so much better than it was.  It wasn't so bad...I could handle a lot more...I wasn't really unhappy...(and the worst) it might have hurt, but I'd rather suffer through it than suffer from the lack of it.  The memory of pain is always so much dimmer than the experience of it.

I wish there was a way to cut out this hole inside me.  I know that doesn't make sense: cutting out the hole will only leave a bigger one.  But at least it would be of my own choice and making.  A piece of you was grafted on to me and when you ripped it away, you took part of me with you.  Now, like a missing limb, I feel the ache of what used to be.  You weren't good for me, you hurt me...but you mattered to me.  At least if I were to cut my own hole, I would remove the taint of you; the ragged edges you left so carelessly behind.

Walls

layer by layer
the walls are built.
 Ice
    Stone
          Brick
a medley of materials
stacked
one
atop another
each for a specific purpose.
 Ice not to feel
    Stone not to care
          Brick for strength.
 moss pushes through
to soften
add serenity.
but still they stand firm
serving their purpose.
 Ice to repel
    Stone to reject
          Brick to withstand
a garden lies hidden
hesitant and
wounded.
yet it continues to grow
protected by
 Ice
    Stone
          Brick.
someday, One will come with the strength
the patience
to slowly tear down the walls
to reveal and care for
the beauty within.
 Ice can melt
    Stone can crack
          Brick can crumble
Someday.
but for now, the walls remain.